Wymsey FAQ      plus
the lol interview

The WebSpin Contortium receive many requests for information about Wymsey, it's populace and the environs so we have taken time off from our many exciting diversions to compile this list of frequently asked questions. If your's is not answered below feel free to email the Contortium Support Desk.

Where is Wymsey? Why are you against GM food?
How do you sleep at night? Is Wymsey for real?
Briarhop Corner? What's with the Queen Mother?
Can I get a Lemon mobile phone? What is the WebSpin Contortium?
Could I do this? Is there a book?
Do you ever run out of ideas? What's a Hum Dum Dinger?
Is Nance or Nancy male or female? What have you got against Belgium?
Why are you soft on Australia? Will Gordon deStompe marry Sister Sara O'Hara?
What did happen in St Louis? Can I trust ESI Computing?
Can I purchase Wymsey Treacle? Have sociologists studied Wymsey?

Where is Wymsey?

The Village is situated ten miles south south west of Watchester, map1 the County Town of Lympshire in the south of England. Yes, but where is it? OK, take a map of England ( you can use a map of the whole UK but you won't need Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland). Now locate London and Birmingham, draw a line between them. Next locate the city of Exeter and draw two lines, one from Exeter to London and another from Exeter to Birmingham. (See figure one.)

map1 Now bisect the angle whose apex is at Exeter, likewise the angle whose apex is London, as in figure two.

map1 Next drop a vertical line from the intersection of the two bisections halfway to the base of the triangle. (Figure three.) That point is Wymsey.


Why do you keep going on about genetic modification?   We're scared, aren't you?

How do you sleep at night?   We sleep when the sun comes up.

Is Wymsey for real?   Is America the greatest country on Earth?

Who are the Rotundians?   A group of big local businessmen who get richer by doing good works.

Briarhop Corner?   It was once in Ohio.


What's with the Queen Mother?   Lay off her, OK?

Where can I get a Lemon mobile phone?   Try www.citrus.com

What is the WebSpin Contortium?   The contortium is an outstation of Lympshire Social Services that specialises in client/server relationships within a multimedia context, as it applies to online rural communities.

Could I do this?   Probably not. It does take a particular type of mind to keep all the balls in the air. We, at the Contortium, have spent a lifetime putting the team together.


Is there a book?   About Wymsey? Afraid not, the village sees it's future as being on-line. At least one villager saves each copy of the Wymsey Chronicle on his hard disk which is fast becoming a copious depository.

Do you ever run out of ideas?   Absolutely not! We have a brainstorm every Friday after lunch.

What's a Hum Dum Dinger?   From Dingersville, if things get too hot she turns the damper down.

Is Nance or Nancy male or female?   As you know, there is a gender issue here but thankfully these days edges are blurring. It is in the schizoid nature of rural life that bigotry and tolerance are frequent bedfellows.


What have you got against Belgium?   Who? Oh, that Belgium. One of the Contortium members once spent a week there by mistake - she thought that she was on a tour of Moll Flanders country. She has never forgotten the way she was manhandled at the border after shouting out of the coach window, "Up the Walloon Underground."

Why are you soft on Australia?   It's a very big country, besides they have kangaroos there.

Will Gordon deStompe marry Sister Sara O'Hara?   Well , there's hasn't been a wedding in Wymsey for ages, it might be fun. Trouble is people tend to change after marrying. And after divorce too.

What did happen in St Louis?   Professor Field has not been forthcoming on this one, we only know what was reported in the Wymsey Chronicle. The Professor's field trips are legendary but this he's keeping under his hat.


Can I trust ESI Computing?   You trust other large software companies, don't you?

Where Can I purchase Wymsey Treacle?   As you know there is a good chance that the mine will re-open within the next year, we can also reveal that the Wymsey Post Office and General Store plans to be trading online by Christmas and the Post Mistress hopes to offer a number of Wymsey related items including Wymsey Torque the traditional hard cheese from Wymsey Bottom Farm.

Have sociologists studied Wymsey?   Oh come on, give us a break!


I need more information! Contact the Contortium Help Desk.

the LOL interview:

In December 1999 top webzine LOL scooped an interview with the publicity shy reclusive Drenzil Basingstoke who in 1998 gave birth to the Wymsey Village Web which has become a byword in certain sections of the internet.

LOL reporter, Blossom Chagrin met Basingstoke in a Greek cafe sandwiched between two gay bars in London's Soho. Basingstoke was wearing blue jeans, a navy sweater, Doc Martins and clear nail varnish. Throughout the interview he rolled his own cigarettes with one hand whilst drumming the table top with the other.
Our thanks to LOL for allowing us to reproduce part of the interview

Blossom Chagrin: I can't help noticing that you roll your cigarettes with one hand.
Drinzil Basingstoke: Yea, I learnt that from John Wayne.

BC: It has been said that you have good reason to be shy of publicity.
DB: Who said that?
BC: Where do you get your inspiration from?
DB: Who said that?
BC: Shall I order some more coffee?
DB: If you don't tell me who said that I'm leaving.
BC: OK, OK, it was someone called Irene De Mandible.
DB: Yea well, she's a nut.

BC: Where do you get your inspiration from?
DB: Are you a writer?
BC: You know I'm a reporter.
DB: Oh yea.

BC: Where is the female interest in Wymsey?
DB: Huh?
BC: Well you know, romance, recipes, horoscopes and household tips - that kind of thing.
DB: Did you order that coffee?
BC: Of hell, sorry I forgot!
DB: Do you do this often?
BC: Forget to order the coffee?
DB: Nah, interview reluctant celebrities?
BC: Is that how you would describe yourself?
DB: Well you're doing this for LOL aren't you?
BC: Sure.

At this point the interview was temporarily terminated whilst Drenzil Basingstoke used his mobile telephone to check the Wymsey web stats.

BC: Dr Brian Benbecula has suggested that Wymsey is either therapy or that it documents a process of individual disintegration.
DB: Benbecula is a phone.

BC: People speculate as to which Wymsey character is you.
DB: Do they? That's really sad.
BC: Personally I think that you are the Snorter.
DB: Ha ha! That's sad too.

BC: Do you write everything yourself?
DB: No, I have a team of elves - who the hell else would bother but me?

BC: Shall I order some more coffee?
DB: Sure, why not.

BC: A number of critics have described you as a misanthrope and I gather that a number countries have made it clear that you are not on their preferred list. How do you feel about that?
DB: You mean Australia, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, Finland and the USA?
BC: Yes.
DB: I have a soft spot for Iceland in fact.
BC: And the rest?
DB: I know, I'm ashamed really - they are easy targets. In reality I have it in for everywhere except Wymsey and France.
BC: What do you like about the French?
DB: Attitude and Fransoise Hardy.

BC: Someone has said that at heart you are actually a teddy bear.
DB: Who said that?
BC: How do you see Wymsey developing in the future.
DB: Who said that?
BC: Shall I order some more coffee?
DB: No! Who said that?
BC: Well, it was your mother.
DB: You spoke to her?
BC: Yes.

DB: You had no right to do that, no one speaks to her.

At this point the interview was terminated when Drenzil Basingstoke picked his mobile telephone and made for the door.

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