the impgleanings
from the
parish notice board

The Wymsey Parish Notice Board is an invaluable resource for villagers and visitors and forms part of the cement that makes Wymsey such a cohesive environment.

Looking for Wymsey De Mandible Ancestors

Hello all my cousins in Wymsey!! You don't know me (I'm American) but I have been looking forever for the town of Wymsey from which my Anglo ancestor emigrated to America. And now, here you are! I am so looking forward to communicating with my DeMandible cousins! All I know about the family line is that supposedly my ancestor, Adam DeMandible, emigrated (is that emigrated) over from Wymsey around 1612 or thereabouts. I'm still looking for ship records.

Does anyone know of the family Adam DeMandible to which I am referring? Are there county records where I could look up census and tax thingies? Maybe there's a Wymsey cemetery? I think Adam was a privileged landholder with royal ties. I believe he was Sir Adam DeMandible, if that helps any. His wife's name was Madame. Looking forward to a wonderful reunion with my DeMandible relations! Let's build a bridge between my country and yours that will bring us back together after these many long years of misunderstanding after the 1776 mishap.

John Applegate [09/02/99 04:59 PM]: Are you sure about the family name? We have DeStompes, DeRigibles, DeSeeves and DeSires in the graveyard but no DeMandibles. You may be aware of the Great Plague which wiped out many great, and not so great, families. It was all a long time ago. I'm not so sure about the bridge, although I'm no engineer - perhaps a tunnel would be a better bet. It could be prefabricated and laid on the sea bed. Good luck in your search!

Irene De Mandible [09/03 11:43 PM]: Dear Mr. Applegate, thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate your researching the cemetery to see if there are any De Mandibles located there. As there are not, I was wondering if you have something equivalent to the American white pages, a phone book in which you could look to see if there are any living De Mandibles in the area? Thanks so much, Irene.

John Applegate [09/05 12:36 PM]: Irene, (May I call you that?) I didn't make a special trip to the graveyard, it's one of my favourite places. We do have the Telephone Directory but alas there are no De Mandibles, there were Dibbles though. I'm told that the Mormons have a very big computer full of names somewhere on the Internet.

Irene De Mandible [09/08 05:06 AM]: Dear John, Thank you for checking to see if there are any living De Mandibles in the area. This is very distressing to me that no hint of the De Mandible name, neither in progeny or otherwise can seem to be found in Wymsey. I was so looking forward to a visit with relatives, and being shown about the ancestral digs (and ley lines, I wanted to see some real ley lines and crop circles which I hear are all over England, and which I can feel in my blood are a distinct part of my English heritage). I have a so-declared official parchment, which I purchased through the internet, showing the family Coat of Arms, or what would you call it, the De Mandible logo (not extremely attractive) and the brief description that came with it explicitly mentioned Wymsey, which I took as a misspelling, seeing as how the family genealogy has as us heralding from Wymsey.

All is not lost have perhaps given me a lead for I do wonder, now that I think about it, if at some point the De Mandible name was shortened to Dibble. The De Mandibles came over with William the Conqueror (you may recognise it as a Norman name). And it could be that in the past couple of hundred years the name was Anglicized so we would blend in better with the environment. Again, thank you so much for your assistance. Irene.

The Management [15 Oct]: Scan Result:
Subject: De Mandible, references:
a. Births, Deaths & marriages.
b. County Records.
c. Electoral Register.
d. County Court Judgements (1897 - 1999).
e. Betting slips.
f. GCHQ, FBI, CIA, M15, M16, VISA.

Results: Zero

Irene De Mandible [24 Oct]: You are disturbingly determined to not have the De Mandibles as having anything to do with Wymsey. Therefore, I can only conclude that they do INDEED have a good deal to do with Wymsey, and for some reason the Wymsey fathers and mothers, and the FBI and the CIA want to hide this. What, pray tell, is hidden in Wymsey as rolypoly bugs beneath those rocks on the village green of Wymsey?

The Management [25 Oct]: Irene D, Rolypoly bugs? Do you mean Cheeselogs? You are not the first to call us 'disturbingly determined' so there may be some truth in it. We cannot have what we do not have but as my old granny used to say, "There's that what's did and that what's hid.' And she lived to a ripe old age.

The Management [29 Oct]: Irene, Tidings of great joy! Local historian has uncovered De Mandibles! See the October Archive edition of the Wymsey Chronicle

Irene De Mandible [03 Nov]: I am just stunned. Anticipating locating my De Mandible ancestors in Wymsey, I had always thought I'd feel enormous joy when I pulled up the English branch of the family tree and found the somewhat ripe-smelling earthen clod of Adam dangling from the root. And now, instead, I rather feel like the branch has struck me on the head--I'm just that stunned, to learn of the vital importance the De Mandibles played in the history of Wymsey's good relations with the French. It will take me a few days to absorb this precious bit of news, and then I'm sure I'll have more to say upon the matter. Thank you, thank you Mr. Applegate! Irene De Mandible.

The Management [04 Nov]: We completely understand how you feel, it got us by the short and curleys. We hope that the lump on your head is not too painful.

Irene De Mandible [16 Jan 2000]: The De Mandibles are in no way connected to the Plagiar tribe, whose memory I don't in the least mourn and am disappointed to find the Wymsey Parish Board concerned with the preservation of their culture. Now, however, if you are referring to the Spanish Plagiars, they appear to be in much the same situation as the Basques in that no one knows quite where they came from and their language origin cannot be traced. They built those marvellous dolmens all over Europe and the British Isles, but this has been forgotten as they were a very passive lot and didn't mind it too much, it seems, when credit was attributed elsewhere based on neglect of subsequent tribes to appropriately footnote that their dolmens were made up of materials scavenged from those of the preceding Plagiars. A little known fact is that they also built the pyramids. Sincerely, Irene.

The Management [16 Jan]: No, you have the wrong Plagiars, the ones you refer to are not the original. I have already referred to this elsewhere on the Parish Notice Board and would not like to be accused of duplication.

Ping Zhang [16 Mar]: Ze Plagiars -- zhey are nothinz butz liarz and cheats and copycatz! And zo iz diz Mandible woman. Ze Mandible lady iz not onz of ze plazierz!! Zhe iz une beaucoup goto!

Eunice Turnipseed [25 Mar]: I heard that Irene de Mandible was missing -- Apparently she was looking for her ancestors when she came up missing. I put forth that her ancestors after tiring of HIDING from "the mouth," found HER!

The Management [26 Mar]: This sure ain't no time for levity.

Eunice Turnipseed [26 Mar]: And I ain't levitating, I assure you, Sir. If you think about it -- these "missing" ancestors may have a part in her disappearance. I wonder if the officials are investigating that possibility. Has anyone heard if the officials are suspecting foal play?

The Management [28 Mar]: I think Irene's sister Pookah levitates, I do know that she runs a travel agency. To my certain knowledge no official is involved with horses.

Eunice Turnipseed [28 Mar]: Well, that's it for me! I shan't try to be helpful anymore. This Irene de Mandible has been a curse on the village ever since she showed up here and now it's because of her that our very own management thinks himself above the rest of us. I've NEVER!

The Management [03 Apr]: Isn't that the point of being in Management? We jest, we don't really subscribe to that. Do we?



The Management [15th Feb 2000]: A great 'Thank You' to all those kind people who sent us Valentines, we really appreciate it. To all those who didn't get one from us, let us know and we'll put you on our list for next year.

C R American [17 Feb]: I didn't get a Valentine from the Management or from Uncle.

The Management [18 Feb]: Dear C R American, I'm afraid that there was a number of errors committed in our post room. A box of chocolates is wending it's way right now.

C R American [05 Mar]: I don't believe it! If you're like me, you ATE the chocolates before you could get to the post with them!

The Management [11 Mar]: Not us Guv, honest! We suspect the post girl.


The Plagiars

The Management: This ancient tribe is in danger of being lost to memory which would be very sad. Please find out all you can about them. Inform your friends, copy your finding and pass them down to your children that they may pass them on to theirs. Then the Plagiars will be remembered.

Not the Management [16 Jan 2000]: For more information, visit: The Plagiars at BigSofa. We appreciate your help in preserving the rich heritage of this culture.

Irene De Mandible [16 Jan]: We need to be careful about distinguishing to which Plagiars we are referring. I have written about this elsewhere on this board and don't feel a need to be redundant and write about it again here.

The Management [16 Jan]: Not the Management: No, No! We appreciate your help.
Irene:It's these one - Of the many causes I have espoused is that of the Plagiars is one that has been long and constant, hardly a day passes when I don't have to rise to the defence of these ancient and honourable peoples. Since the first of them migrated across the plains of Aaran sometime around 600 BC and attempted to settle in the south-east of what is now Greece they have been held in contempt. This is manifestly unfair given what we know of their culture and artifacts, both written (acrylic cuneiform) and not. OK, so their pottery was similar to the early Greek but who can deny the execution. And I won't mention the giant wooden goat that they used to capture the City of Roy.

Great Crabtree You stole this idea from The NetWits you suck!

The Management [17 Jan]: Ha Ha! Who do you think posted it at the Net Wits!

Not the Management [17 Jan]: In reference to the reference elsewhere that was made to the Plagiar postings: If I was a "someone", I would have been signing myself as a "someone." Have you seen me signing myself as a "someone?" I think not. Thank you.

The Management [18 Jan]: The names were changed to protect the innocent(?).

Irene De Mandible [20 Jan]: Is Great really a Crabtree or is he making fun? My husband's paternal grandmother was a Crabtree. It would be in very poor taste to make fun of another's surname. Now, if Crabtree is actually Great's own surname and he is making fun, that's all right. It is good to know how to laugh at ourselves.

The Management [22 Jan]: Irene, It is not the management's job to verify posters but in this case we can oblige. Mr Crabtree is really Great of the NetWits.


Researching Local Phenomena

Dear Ley Line and Crop Circle Lovers I am writing a book on ley lines and crop circles and fairy hills. As I am unable myself to travel to your most assuredly lovely little town to do research, I was hoping that ley line and crop circle enthusiasts in your area would drop me a note (and pictures) on what is up with your local ley lines and crop circles and fairy hills, for I could find nothing on the subject in your newspaper. I will do my uttermost to credit everyone, of course, who makes a donation. Enthusiastically, Miranda.

The Management [30 Sep 1999]: Sure we have had a crop circle in Wymsey, in fact it appeared just after we decided to twin ourselves with Roswell. If you go to the bottom of current edition of the Wymsey Chronicle you will find we have a site search facility - doing a search on crop circle should give some results.

Miranda [12 Oct]: What about big rocks? You know, like the kind they have at Stonehenge? Big rocks set in a pattern of some sort? It doesn't have to be a circle, but a circle would be nice. But what I would really like to find is any evidence of an old pyramid. I don't see any reason why only the Egyptians should have them, and, of course, the meso peoples (Mesopotamian and mesoamericans). I firmly believe that under some of those old English hills there are stone pyramids. If we follow the kitties they will lead us to them. Miranda

The Management [15 Oct]: Miranda, We liked your idea rocks and, on Saturday morning, we took the van down to the Rock Shop and purchased half a ton - which the maximum the van could handle. At the moment they are lying in a pile on the village green where, we fear, they will gather moss. So, it's down to you - how would you like them arranged? Most of them are lumps of granite - with those nice veins of white marble - about ten inches in diameter. There is, however, one lump that is 72 inches long and roughly square in cross section, say 6 inches x 6 inches. We look forward to your ideas on this one as we have a feeling that you do have ideas. We agree with you about the kitties, they are renowned for getting into strange places.

Miranda [23 Oct]: I've a pimple erupting in the middle of my forehead, at the position of my third eye. An event of this type always presages the revelation to me of a marvellous idea. Almost always. Sometimes it hasn't but that doesn't mean the marvellous idea wasn't there, I just didn't grasp hold of it and it went on to someone else, for we, of course, do not own ideas. I feel so privileged that I've been asked to participate in the arrangement of these stones...ah, wait, it has come to me, how we can arrange these stones in a distinctly modern manner which would honour the ancients who reverenced sacred rock meteorites (I am convinced that Stonehenge was to serve as a sort of lightning rod for wandering meteorites that said "here is a home for you, we understand you, we would love to have you visit here, right here, not over there where those other people live as they already have fallen meteorites over which they boast frequently." Put all the stones in a plane, fly over the village green, and push them out. T. I don't know what that T is at the end of my previous sentence as I didn't put it there. Maybe it is a message from the beyond that I latched onto the wrong idea, one that was just passing through and not intended for me, and that you should instead erect a giant T. You could hang swings off it. If you could make it so the top bar revolves you could even make a sort of carnival whirlybird swing type attraction out of it, which I am certain is based on something ancient, as most everything is of course--based on something ancient as all these ideas we don't own have been circulating a very long time. I still, however, like the plane idea.

The Management [24 Oct]: Miranda, Your ideas on the origins of Stonehenge are, to say the least, interesting but your suggestion that we use a plane to drop our stones on the Green is somewhat redundant as that is where we put them. After the Millennium Gnome fiasco we have some reservations about erecting a giant stone T on the Green. But do keep those ideas coming - at the moment we have none except to leave them in a pile as monument to Wymsey's contribution to a millennium of progress.

Miranda [24 Oct]: No, no, no, you entirely miss the point of dropping them from a plane. You are honouring the fall to earth of the meteorite from the heavens. You are, through ritual, acting out again its stupendous, marvellous fall from the vast reaches of space to this common world, perhaps even bringing this earth, ages and ages ago, the very germ for life itself on this planet. You are honouring your ancient mother/father. You are playing a gigantic game of something on the order of pickup sticks, except that you shall not pick them up, you shall see where fate has permitted to have them fall and use them as an oracle to comprehend the future of your little town. Just pushing them out the back of your van won't do.

The Management [25 Oct]: I spoke to my ancient mother this afternoon on the telephone and I can tell that she, for one, doesn't want to be dropped out of an airplane. She was not too happy about germs from outer space either, she reckons we have enough of our own to deal with. We quite like the idea of having an oracle but would prefer one that helped us to understand the present. Some people in the village are saying that the rocks are unsightly and are proposing to get up a petition.


Warning Advisory for Travellers

Not the Management17 Jan 2000: I am posting as a sincere, earnest individual who has been making sincere, earnest postings to the Wymsey Parish Board, and has believed all along she was interacting with other sincere, earnest individuals. Much to my dismay, through the Plagiar postings, it has been revealed to me that I may have, all along, been instead interacting with humorists, even Internet Humour Columnists. This has caused an emotional crisis for me to which I see no resolution as long as we denizens of the internet continue to use this wonderful educational resource, which could constrict our large ungainly world into one small nut, for obscure non-educational purposes, and our varied self-promotional interests.

Not the Management (and her many aliases, used for spiritual purposes only with the understanding that the thinner I spread myself, the more ably I may meet my aspirations of becoming an appropriate vehicle for the Cosmic Light Show, the best light show there ever was, bar none, which requires no ticket or drugs for admission, its only price being self-renunciation) is deeply grieved to learn she has become so emotionally connected to puppet personas of thoughtless some ones who are in reality no one at all. I think it very unfair of you internet humourist columnists to use the parish board of the gentle town of Wymsey in this manner. I apologise to Wymsey that I have, if without my knowledge, been a tool in making sport of her.

The Management [18 Jan]: Sorry to hear about the emotional crisis - not many laughs in that I bet. The Cosmic Light Show sounds interesting, if a little Sixtiesish, but don't spread yourself too thinly or you may go off with a big bang. Sometimes it's better to whimper and live to see another sunrise. Also it's a shame that there won't be a bar - that would really draw the punters in. Anyway, good luck with the Light Show!

Not the Management [20 Jan]: Turns out it was just a cold. It won't let me sleep but I'm feeling a bit better today, thank you.

The Management [21 Jan]: What is it with these modern colds?

Sharon Jones (Mrs)[30 Jan]: That is a very pertinent question. I haven't had a cold in 30 years and I put this down to avoiding controversy and convenience foods.


Removed From Garden

Mrs Celine Dwindle of The Thatches, Church Lane asks the person or persons who removed her statue of Zlackvania, Queen Regent of the Gnomes of All England to return it. Or else.

Kevin D Lowdstart [29 Dec 1999]: Is that the one where she has a knife in her belt?

Not the management [29 Dec]: It looks like I may have to stop visiting the Wymsey Parish Board as you are becoming very confusing to me, and though chaos birthed the universe which is near and dear to our hearts, I've enough on my plate without having to worry about the mysteries of Eurynome and Opion and whether or not chaos is a "done that, been there" which abhors redundancy, or a continuing process which continually precedes ever-ongoing birth. That having been said rather poorly--to continue on to the subject at hand, I thought a gnome was a gnome was a gnome and not a nome.

I looked up nome in the dictionary and did not see a gnome to also be a nome. Nomos in the Greek is pasture. A nome was one of the provinces of ancient Egypt and seems to come from nomos. Nomia was a nymph who blinded Daphnis (inventor of bucolic poetry) because he was unfaithful to her. Nomen is name in the Latin. Nomo- is a "learned borrowing from Greek meaning 'custom,' 'law." Nomism was conduct in a religion, based on a law or laws. Whereas a gnome (from the Greek, gnome) is one of a legendary species of diminutive beings, usually described as shrivelled little old men, that inhabit the interior of the earth and act as guardians of its treasures. A gnome (after the Greek gnome, judgement, opinion, purpose) is also a short, pity expression of a general truth. I then referred to my Robert Graves and we have Nomia meaning "grazer" and Nomius meaning "guardian of the flocks." I would next refer to my Borges "The Book of Imaginary Beings" but that would just be me wasting time when I should be working on a project that awaits me, and besides, I looked just now and couldn't find it. I plead with her to please return to some manner of sensibility, else I shall have to look elsewhere for my...what. What was it I was looking for? I don't recall. Not the Borges book. The reason I came here in the first place.

I meant to write Ophion, not Opion. Opion sounds like a perverted sort of opinion, or a lettuce. I didn't mean to write "I plead with her to please return to some manner of sensibility..." I meant to write "I plead with you..." Sorry to add to any confusion. I also meant to write pithy, not pity, as in gnome being a short, pity (oops, pithy) expression.

Please don't ask me to proofread before posting. I don't, because it's useless. I proof after I post because it's only then I notice these slips. My apologies. The silent "g" is a problem, is it not? It insists on being there but it doesn't want your mouth to know about it, only your pen or your keypad/keyboard. I find this very peculiar.

The Management [31 Dec]: We think that you confuse sensibility with sense but won't mention it. It is amazingly how much research can be triggered by a typing error in a posting that has not been proof read. We think that you will find that Opion is a patent medicine for the relief of irritating old scars.

C. Ratkisser [02 Jan 2000]: Huh?

The Management [05 Jan]: My sentiments precisely!

B. Mused [05 Mar]: Do lady gnomes have beards? I've' never seen a gnome without a beard, that is probably why no one can recognise the Queen Regent gnome. Of course it may depend also on how you define a queen in gnomeland.

A Feminist [06 Mar]: Watch it with the beard stuff, Sunshine!

B. Mused[07 Mar]: Please accepted my most humble apologised. To show how sincere I am you can borrow my razor.

Irene de Mandible [10 Mar]: Goats have beards. Sheep don't. This is how you can tell the difference between them.

The Management [11 Mar]: Once again Ms de Mandible brings a whiff of sanity to the proceedings. Thank you!



Charlotte:Gerbil, Russian Grey rare breed. Last seen on Wednesday under mummy's bed. Charlotte Wymsey 337867

Lost rare gerbilSusie [08/23/1999]: I lost mine too, we found it in Uncle Mickey's left boot.

Charlotte [08/25]: I don't have an Uncle Mickey and if I did I'm sure he wouldn't wear boots.

Dave [08/25]: Why not?

Hope [08/29]: I lost a tooth. If somebody finds it they should contact me as I would like to have it implanted again, which I think we can do if the root is still alive. Anyone who finds the tooth should immediately put it in a freezer. I am considering offering a reward. You may contact me by getting in touch with my friend Tootie.

Tootie [09/02]: Yuck!!!! Stop sending me teeth, they make me ill.

Charlotte [09/02]: This is serious! Twinks means a lot to me.

BigBeast [25 Oct]: Meant!!!

Cathy [31 Oct]: I lost my virginity. If anyone has found it, please contact me immediately. Thanks.

The Management [02 Nov]: I think you will have to give up on this one. Just enjoy what you do have!

Armitage [18 Nov]: Wait *WAIT*, Is that the gerbil that stole the Moped? I thinks there's more to this than meets the eye.

The Management [22 Nov]: No, it is not the gerbil that stole the moped and how do you know that it was a gerbil that stole it?

Lloyd [23 Nov]: Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

The Management [27 Nov]: So do we!


Blatant Commercialism!

Not The Management : I dunno. I come to take a look at my favourite parish notice board. And what do I find. An ad for chocolates. And they aren't even Wymsey chocolates. They're chocolates from Atlanta GA. Now I don't know if these chocolates from Atlanta GA are any good or not. But I find it hard to believe that no one in Wymsey makes chocolates. What's so hard about making chocolates. Dump some chocolate chips in a double boiler (over water) and melt them and you have chocolate. For that matter, don't put them in the double boiler and melt them and you still have chocolate. Add them to some flour and sugar and butter and you have some chocolate chip cookies, if you bake them. If you don't bake them you have chocolate chip cookie dough.

What can I say, Wymsey. First you say you're going to trade your canals and then take that back and say something about dragging visitors up and down your canals? (I don't recollect. It's been a hard month.) Big difference between trading canals and dragging your guests up and down them. And now you shun your own chocolate chip melting citizens in favour of some place in the Deep South of the USA that ought to be making pralines instead, or pecan sandies. If I was a citizen of Wymsey I would make a sign here on the Parish Notice Board and protest. Yes, I would. And I'm leaving this note the proper colour all notes on a proper Parish Notice Board should be. Yellow. None of those new pastel shades. That's for stationery.

You will note that I spelled stationery correctly. But I didn't spell Wymsey correctly. My apologies.

Not the management [24 Dec 1999]: Well, I'm sitting here with a table filled with pralines, pecan sandies, pecan pies and turtle pies--the kind of sugary choke your arteries diabetic-making fodder for which the South is famously proud. When Santa descends the chimney tonight, there'll be an Atlanta GA-bottled Coca-cola and a nice slice of pecan pie waiting for him. None of that Mayan/Incan/Aztecan chocolate.

The Management [24 Dec]: Dear Not the Management, I dunno ditto, it's all beyond our control I can tell you. I happen to know that there are some very nice chocolates available in Atlanta, although they are made by a Frenchman. We don't make chocolate because it gives some people a headache but prefer to suck our Dah Dits cough sweets. As to the feast awaiting Father Christmas, we can only say that we wish we were coming down your chimney. We love Pecan pie - this week we have had two helpings topped with cherry yoghurt Did the Mayans and Aztecs make chocolate? I know the Belgians do.

Cathy Ratkisser [27 Dec]: I AM AN AMERICAN!

The Management [28 Dec]: That's no excuse!

Not the management [29 Dec]: If you like pecan pie, try this Southern "I will not serve vegetables or fruits that can be recognised as such" treat. A thing which had the audacity (or the wisdom) to be called Trifle. I was served it on Christmas. Take one BIG clear glass bowl that has straight sides, fill it with numerous alternate layers of instant vanilla pudding, cool whip, frozen strawberries and sponge cake. The Trifle we served towered about 14 inches and was intended to be awe-inspiring. And, in truth, as I was telling some friends, there is something quite awesome about a cool whip tower confection that you could leave out until summer and it wouldn't fall. It was served by a dear relative who made it because I like strawberries. I ate, and I said, "Oh, this is great!" I made this mistake when I was originally served it a couple of years ago. There will now be Trifle at every Christmas and birthday.

You are confusing me with this back and forth on Ms. Ratkiss, her privileges, which seem to involve a personal thing between you and the lady, and this "That's no excuse!" business. I am not asking for clarification. I don't think I really want to know what is going on between you and Ms. Ratkiss. Besides, it's none of my business. But I did want to say that you are confusing me.

The Management [29 Dec]: I'm afraid that I cannot comment on your comments concerning Ms Ratkisser, it is not policy to use the Parish Notice Board to further goings on. So, it's a good thing that you not asking for clarification as none would be forthcoming. I have nightmarish childhood memories of my mother's trifles but you weren't to know that. As to confusion, it's a good thing - never forget that out of chaos came the universe we all know and love.

Cathy Ratkisser [02 Jan 2000]: Well, shut my mouth!! Trifle! I haven't had trifle in years. It's really delicious as is pecan pie (my speciality) and PRALINES, my favourite candy, but I can't seem to make them -- and the Management (the next sweetest thing to pralines!)

The Management [05 Jan]: Maybe you should try harder :-)

Frito [03 Mar]: Do I detect some cultural, ethnic, national battle between the Trifle and the Praline? Honestly, both are delicious but the Praline is southern US and the Trifle national, an unfair dichotomy. My mouth is watering but the sugar overload of both is dire.

The Management [11 Mar]: Please do not dribble over the Notice Board.


The Sunstone

The Sunstone, WymhengeWith respect to Dr. Poyson Harts, he is wrong about the Sunstone. I am a well-respected canine portrait artist, working in paint, clay and stone, and can tell you that the so-called "Sunstone" is a dog. My training would lead me to believe it is, moreover, a wire-haired fox terrier (note the attention the sculptor made to the "beard" and other featherings). Dogs are, of course, sacred to Diana and the moon. Thus we do not have a "Sunstone" here at all. What you have is a "moonstone" with a missing half. Dogs as symbolically sacred to the moon are typically depicted in pairs.

If you examine the stone, you will see that if you had an opposing duplicate of it so that the two stone dogs were set up nose to nose, the interior hole would be in the shape of a heart and would serve as a portal of sorts to the true way, both symbolically and literally. I would think if one made an examination, one would find that the portal looks upon some sort of sacred path, at least that's what my scholarly researches (I happen to have been a student of Dr. Poyson's brother, Royson, who is also an expert in the archaeological field, studying briefly with him through a university extension course during which we participated in a dig which sadly didn't divulge the anticipated result) would leave me to conclude, as the not-well-known canine-stones always have to them this feature. I must tell you this is quite exciting as these stones tend to be rather rare, and I do wonder what you would find if you followed the path! Please, do consider contacting Dr. Royson Harts! Irene De Mandible

The Management [31 Jan 2000]: Who is Poyson Harts? Dr Royson Harts IS the expert who identified the artifact as a Sunstone. Good to know that Diana likes dogs so much, is she another of your sisters? Is she a vegetarian?

Irene de Mandible [01 Feb]: No, no, no. I knew immediately upon reading the article that you had your reporting all wrong on the matter. Or for some reason you believe that you have had Royson Harts investigating your stone, when it has actually been Poyson, who is very jealous of his brother and does whatever he can to discredit Royson's investigations into moonstones. So you can see how my curiosity was fired up over the matter. You have a definite mystery on your hands. These scholars will stop at nothing to undermine each other and force their own theories through. Royson spent a great deal of time investigating moonstones in Australia, where they happen to have a good many of them. I believe you have another Wymsey expert who lives in Australia who could confirm this.

I am delighted to see that I have been upgraded to the status of a goddess, if you would confuse Diana, a moon goddess, with being one of my sisters. I hope Cathy Ratkisser isn't jealous. You are, however, making a joke with me concerning the . There is no such thing as vegetarian. Ha ha.

The Management [01 Feb]: A Goon Goddess, my apologies for causing confusion. By the way, I don't think that you can be upgraded to a goddess - it's not like software - as I understand it you are either immortal or not. The trouble is that you only get to know if you die and then you don't - know that is..

Irene de Mandible [03 Feb]: As a matter of fact there are numerous reports of such upgrades. Heracles is a good example. His physical body exhumed, he ceased to bear resemblance to his mortal father and assumed the characteristics of his immortal father, and was seen to ascend upon a cloud. To adopt him into the family of the gods, Hear symbolically birthed him out from under her skirts. If you are wondering what to rename your moonstone, when you accept that it is indeed a moonstone and not a Sunstone, when I was seven years old I had a wire-haired Fox Terrier called Poochie. I believe Poochie would be a good name for the stone. Have you begun your hunt for its twin?.

The Management [04 Feb]: We must, I'm afraid, bow to your pantheistic expertise. We damned if we are going dust down the Robert Graves and trade immortals with you. We are not convinced that Poochie Stone has the right amount of gravitas for our henge or even part of it. Although it might fit a character in a children's' cartoon set in the stone age. As to the twin - all the stones have been uncovered along with a number of post holes - you will see from the diagram in the Wymsey Chronicle (January) that the stones are arranged in a rough circle..

Alison Farley [15 Feb]: I read all about your Henge in the Wymsey Chronicle. The vibes must be very strong, I could feel them coming off the picture. How exciting! Not sure about all that Diana stuff though - it's much too old for that Greek stuff plus it's British..

C R American [17 Feb]: That Irene de Mandible should be BANNED from Wymsey Village!.

The Management [18 Feb]: Oh dear! Time for my drinking chocolate..

Dreamer [20 Feb]: I totally disagree with CR, Irene De Mandible's postings is the main reason I come here. I say let's have more!.

C R American [06 Mar]: Irene De Mandible is a fraud -- a fake! She should be tarred, feathered, and driven from the town!.

The Management [06 Mar]: Valium, anyone?


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