welcome to the Bower,
Wymsey's Unique Spa,
Baths & Tea Rooms

One tries hard in this life to fulfill one's dreams, especially after realizing one cannot fulfill anyone else's' without much strain and hair loss. In the spirit of such self-awareness and because my ship came in, in the form of some Kruegerrands left as a holiday gratuity in the Bower by a mysterious benefactor with a slight accent, I present to you the Wym-Spa, A Full-Service Water-Oriented Relaxation Facility, with Tea Annex and Gardens.

Please don't call it the "Bower-Shower with Tea and Flowers" as some are wont to do.
The Bower, Wymsey, Transformed

At the Wym-Spa all your cares melt away, leaving a slight, clean fragrance, as if a candy cane were discarded in the bath under a slowly dripping tap. You have a choice of semi-medicinal baths: Sulphur, Rosemary, Sea Salt and Bay Rum; there is a fully tiled Cold Plunge to revive the senses, and a largish pool for exercise swimming or just floating about watching the grackles choose mates in the wisteria vine clinging to the leaded-glass sky-lights. At least I think they're grackles. Could be. There's definitely house sparrows and a starling or two, and a delicate pink-breasted finchy-looking thing that lays eggs practically daily like a chicken, broodiest little thing you ever saw. The interior is Romanesque, meaning mostly Roman, lots of urns, a mosaic in the ladies' lounge, and this fellow who will scrape your back with olive oil for two Wyms (and tip). If you see an urn with a woven-cane top, it's actually a clothes hamper and you can put your damp towel in it. If the urn is full of sand, it's an ash tray and that means The Butt Stops Here. The Wym-Spa is a non-smoking facility because Management said so. I was going to let people smoke organic tobacco and pipes and things on the south portico after tea, but no, that's not on. So use the ashtray urns or risk the wrath, etc. The Massage Room is the quietest, nicest place you can imagine. I had the heating specially jiggered so it's warm but never stuffy and the incense is changed daily.

Rates are daily or weekend packages, and also there are Afternoon Delight coupons for use of the Wym-Spa when you are stressed and just need a couple hours to unwind amongst greenery and pleasant, intelligent staff who seem to innately sense when you just want to lay on a foldy lounge with a big drink after a bout in the sauna, to think about things and maybe doze a bit.

Try Maragold's wonder teas!

The Tea Annex is a "sumpshus place", to quote an old friend. Away from the splashes and groans of the Massage Room and Cold Plunge, far away from political haberdashery and the woes of peoplekind, that's where the Tea Annex is. Mentally. Physically it's next to the main entrance, in front of the guest suites, and the Fountain is in the garden just beyond. You can hear the water splashing at play while you dig into the Endless Scone Platter(tm) or twist a bemused strand or two of Spa-Spaghetti on your fork. Take advantage of Two-for-One Tuesdays, one entree free, and it doesn't have to be the cheaper one! Isn't that amazing? Surf nearly had a fit when I told him, he swore we'd go under in a week but here it is a month and we make more on Tuesdays than any other day. It's not like people order the Lobster Caligula and a bowl of soup to try and get a great deal. They understand, they have nice manners and a sense of balance.

So please come by, the tea Annex is always open to the public, and you can get into the Wym-Spa for 25% off if you have a meal with us. Jackets are optional, and on Saturdays if you wear a toga you get a free pudding and an aperitif.

Gavort in the Grand Fountain!

The Fountain is the Wym-Spa's artistic link to the World. So much of the Wym-Spa is private, but anyone driving down Primrose Lane will see the Fountain, an instant landmark and source of much admiring debate. It's beautifully eclectic yet uncompromisingly rococo. I got the figgers made of Corian, this rock-hard plastic that's just as translucent as Carrera marble and cost the same, but you can clean them with soap powder! And wax them, too. They just glow when they're waxed. Borrowing from mythology, I have Nymphs and Satyrs running about playing tag. There's a little Corian Gnome as well, cleverly worked into the base of the big urn in the middle. I designed it myself, and although up to now I've done mostly embroidery and some decorative scones, I have to say it came out pretty well. There's plenty of room to sit on the edge and cool your feet, and as long as their mums are nearby, it's a nice place for small children to play on hot days. Watch out for the Gnome, though - his hat squirts at random! I hope you take advantage of the Wym-Spa soon. In the dark, short days of Winter, and the long, tiring days of Summer, it's so gratifying to have an entire facility just around the corner where relaxation is guaranteed. I hope in the frisky days of Spring and the busy days of Autumn you find time to see us, as well. It's an all-season sort of place really. Free parking as well.

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© M Laidig 2002